Believe in Us
by E. Limberg
Summary: What happened after All Access. Mac is ready to move on with their relationship but Stella is too broken. Will they get together? Spoilers. MacStella
1. When the Sand Runs Out

**Believe in Us**

**Chapter 1: When the Sand Runs Out**

"_I spent the morning at an old friend's grave  
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man  
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels  
Never knowin' how the real thing feels  
He never took a chance or took the time to dance  
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye  
Today is the first day of the rest of my life"  
_

Detective Mac Taylor stood outside the fence around Ground Zero. He was clutching the fence with tears falling down his cheeks talking to his wife.

"Claire, I want to move on. I know you wouldn't want me to live like this. But I still love you. If I found someone else I wouldn't love you any less, but it would feel like I was cheating on you," Mac pauses to wipe a few tears from his cheeks.

"I miss you, Claire. You were taken from me too early. You never really knew what living meant. I know you still had a lot you wanted to do with your life, and you never got to do any of these things. I told you some of the things I wanted to do, and I haven't done any of those things because I've been trying to forget you. Stella helped me realize forgetting isn't best, and now I guess I'm asking you to give me your blessing to move on."

_  
"I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on  
And learn how to face my fears  
Love with all of my heart, make my mark  
I wanna leave something here  
Go out on a ledge, with out any net  
That's what I'm gonna be about  
Yeah I wanna be runnin'  
When the sand runs out"_

"You always said the greatest risk was not taking one at all. Well, I'm going to take a huge risk and ask Stella if she wants to go out with me. Through this mess I realized that I love Stella. I am very grateful for her friendship the past five years. Stel has helped me through all of this; without her, I probably wouldn't be where I am. I think she used to feel the same way about me, but now I'm not so sure.

"The problem is Stella was just hurt very badly by her boyfriend. She tries to appear strong and all, but I know she really is in pain on the inside. This guy, Frankie, was using her. I think she really did love him though. He attacked her and Stella killed him to protect herself. Lately she has been very jumpy. I don't want to force her into something she doesn't want. Right now she probably doesn't trust anyone, including me, her best friend.

"I hope you don't mind me moving on. And I know you and Stella were friends."

_  
"'Cause people do it everyday  
Promise themselves they're gonna change  
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out  
That was then and this is now  
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man  
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words  
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth""_

"Well, I had better get going if I'm going to talk to Stella tonight. I don't want to wake her up if she's asleep; she probably hasn't gotten mush sleep lately. Thank you for everything, Claire. I love you," Mac whispers. He stood beside the fence with his eyes closed for a few moments before heading to the subway station.

On the way to Stella's apartment, Mac thought about how to tell her he loves her without hurting her. She was already so weak and broken. Stella needed a friend now, but Mac finally decided he wanted to be more. The rest of the way there he worried about her reaction.

When he got up to Stella's apartment Mac stood outside the door debating whether to knock or use his key. If he knocked, he might wake her up, but she had the choice to let him in if she wanted to see him. If he just entered, he was invading on her privacy. _'Oh well,'_ he thought, _'here goes nothing,'_ and he opened the door.

_  
"I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on  
Learn how to face my fears  
Love with all of my heart, make my mark  
I wanna leave something here  
Go out on a ledge, with out any net  
That's what I'm gonna be about  
Yeah I wanna be runnin'  
When the sand runs out"_

**A/N: I've had most of this written since before "All Access" but was too lazy to type it before now. The song is Rascal Flatts "When the Sand Runs Out." I hope you liked it. I'll post the nest chapter as soon as I can.**


	2. Fall Into Me

**Chapter 2: Fall Into Me**

'_You say you've turned it off  
Hid your heart up on a shelf  
Scared of what it might cost  
To take it off for someone else  
'Cause lovin him you lost  
Too much of yourself  
Baby can't you see that he's not me and..."  
_

Mac enters and sees the tv on in the living room. He shuts the door softly behind him in case she was asleep on the couch. Slowly Mac makes his way to the couch and finds her lying down. Stella hadn't heard the door open and her eyes are glued to the tv. Not wanting to scare her, Mac kneeled down to kiss her cheek. When he does so she jumps, "Mac, what the hell are you doing here? You scared me to death."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I wanted to make sure you're okay," he sits down on the couch next to her. Mac reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder for comfort; he can still see that what happened the other night is haunting her.

"Stel, I need to talk to you," Mac begins and continues when he sees that she wasn't going to interrupt. "I went to talk to Claire this evening. I told her I was going to move on."

"That's great, Mac," Stella tries to put on a happy face but she wasn't very convincing.

"But I'm afraid the person I want to be with doesn't feel the same way I think she did a while ago. And even if she does feel the same way about me as I feel about her, I don't think she is ready to be in another relationship. She was just hurt badly by someone. Stella," Mac pauses to give her time to say something but she doesn't. "I love you."

"Mac, I still love you. I thought you didn't love me so I kind of gave up on being more than best friends with you," her emerald eyes are still filled with fear as she says this, and he knows that she trusts him but is still very self-conscious.

"I don't want to hurt you, Stel. And I don't wasn't to force you into this. Right now I think you need a friend. But if you're willing to risk everything now then let's go for it. I'll always be here for you, Stella," Mac says, hugging her tightly. "Are you crying?" he asks uncertainly.

"It's not your fault, Mac," her voice is muffled as she cries into his shoulder.

They fall asleep like that and she is surprised to find him making French toast in the morning.

_  
"I need you to know you can fall into me  
That my arms are wide open   
And will always be  
Right here waiting, staying strong  
Come and fall into me"_

"Good morning. You sleep alright?" Mac asks as she enters the kitchen.

"Yeah, sorry about last night. I didn't mean to break down on you like that," Stella sits down to watch him cook.

"It's okay. You don't have to be strong, Stel. It's okay that you're scared. You had trusted Frankie, and he hurt you; no one can blame you for not trusting anyone right now. I didn't hear your answer last night," Mac brings the plate of French toast over to the table. Stella gets up to get the plates, forks, and knives while Mac gets the syrup and butter.

"What answer?" Stella asks when they have everything on the table and start to serve themselves.

"Last night I said that if you thought you could handle being in a relationship now we could. If not, we would just be friends until you are," Mac looks up to see her reaction. By the look in her eyes he can tell she wants to be with him. "Dinner tonight, Detective Bonasera?"

"Sure, why not, Taylor?" Mac thought he would never see her beautiful smile again, but he was wrong.

_  
"I'll follow any road anywhere to get to you  
I'll open up my soul  
If that's what you need me to do  
But now baby it's your move  
All you've got to do  
Is believe in love, just believe in us now..."  
_

"Well, we had better get going or we'll be late to work. You ready?" Mac asks as they finish dinner.

"I'd like to see you late for work just once, Mac," Stella says as Mac takes out his wallet to pay.

"No, not today. Everyone will already be in shock when we arrive together," Stella laughs at the thought, which probably will be true. "I hate night shift. It screws up my sleep."

"Like you sleep at all, Mac. Maybe that's why never had a girlfriend after Claire past away," Mac gives her a skeptical look. "Sorry, I couldn't resist teasing you."

"Someone seems to be in a better mood," Mac says and puts his hand on the small of her back to guide her to the car.

"Don't say that now. You'll jinx me. I think the lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me though."

"You slept fine last night and didn't even wake up when I had to move you to get up. Are you scared to sleep alone?" Mac asks mischievously grinning at her.

"Oh, you just dug yourself into a hole, Taylor. For that you're not leaving when you drop me off tomorrow after work," she punches him lightly in the stomach.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Stella, what's wrong with you? This is the happiest I've seen you since before Frankie…" Hawkes asks as he catches up with her in the hall of the lab.

"Mac. You're too nosy, Hawkes. As I have told you before, mind your own business," Stella says as they walk into the trace lab to see if Danny has identified a fiber yet.

"And you think I have a big mouth? What did Mac do?" Danny asks with a smile at seeing his co-worker in a good mood again.

"Nothing. Drop it. Any luck, Danny?" Stella glances at the computer screen.

"Yeah, it's a fiber from a car. All the information's there," Danny points to the screen. "Tell Mac for me, will you?"

Stella walk back out of the trace lab to tell Mac and Hawkes again follows her. "You need something, Hawkes?" she looks back over her shoulder.

"What, your boyfriend puts videos of you in bed together on the internet and tries to kill you. You kill him and get all upset and emotional. Now you and Mac are sleeping together?" Sheldon grins and puts a hand on her back, hoping she won't rip his head off.

"Sheldon Hawkes, why do you think Mac and I are sleeping together? No, we are not. He came over to check on me and we fell asleep on the couch together. He told me he loves me and asked me if I wanted to be with him. We went out for dinner, that's all," Hawkes laughs watching her defend herself as they walk into Mac's office. His mind begins to fill with ideas on what to do with the information she just told him.

"What's going on?" Mac asks when they walk in.

"Stel was just telling me about your night together-"

"Only because he was going to spread a rumor that we were sleeping together. Danny got a match on that fiber."

"Thanks. No spreading rumors you two," Mac chuckles at Stella's expression as she pretends to push Hawkes away from her.

_  
"Just believe in love  
Just believe in us  
Baby..."  
_

"I love you, Mac," Stella says as she cuddles into his warm body the next night.

"Are you going to sleep again?" Mac asks kissing the top of her head.

"Yeah, and you should too or you'll fall asleep on the job tomorrow, Mac," she reaches up to pull his head down and tentatively kisses him.

"I love you too, Stel. Are you sure your okay with us?" he asks, the concern in his eyes visible to her.

"Yes, Mac, I'm fine. How are you doing with your moving on?"

"I think it's working for me. Now I know you'll never be hurt by another man again."

"Oh, with this job you never know. I think we'll make this work, Mac," she says turning to face him and climbs into his lap.

Mac pulls her into a long, slow kiss as she starts to take off his tie and unbutton his shirt. He rubs her back soothingly before parting their lips. "Maybe we should take this elsewhere." Mac stands up taking Stella with him.

"I never knew you were so strong, Mac," she teases as they enter the bedroom.

"Stel, you don't weigh very much," he says before kissing her again.

_  
"I need you to know you can fall into me  
That my arms are wide open   
And will always be  
Right here waiting, staying strong  
Come and fall into me_

Come and fall into me  
Baby fall into me"

**A/N: I hope you liked it. "Fall into Me" by Emerson Drive. I know Stella and Mac probably wouldn't get together right after everything with Frankie. Thanks for reading. I'll try to get the last chapter up soon. Please let me know what you thought.**


	3. I'll Be

**Chapter 3: I'll Be**

"_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
Stop me and steal my breath  
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky  
Never revealing their depth  
Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated  
I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above"  
_

Mac gets up to turn on the CD player. "Would you like to dance?" he comes over to Stella and holds out his hand as a slow song comes on.

"Yes, I would, but since your making me get up let me go to the bathroom first," she says taking his hand and getting up. Then she heads to the kitchen and a few moments later returns with a box in her hand and continues to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Mac asks watching anxiously as she closes the bathroom door without answering.

"Stel, what are you doing? Is that a pregnancy test?" he asks as she comes back into the living room.

"Yes," she says, her eyes not meeting his.

"Why would you need to take a pregnancy test? It was just last night; even if you are pregnant that wouldn't be able to tell you," he comes and sits back on the couch next to her, dancing forgotten.

"Mac, I'm five days late," she finally looks into his blue eyes, and he can see she is scared to death again.

"I guess it wouldn't be mine then," Mac puts his arm around her hoping to get rid of some of her fear.

"No, Frankie and I were still together, so it's probably his."

"Stel, we don't even know if you pregnant or not. And what do you mean it is probably Frankie's. Besides me you haven't been with anyone else." Stella doesn't reply, and they just sit in silence until there is an answer.

_  
"I'll be your crying shoulder  
I'll be love suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life"_

"You ready?" Mac asks as Stella reaches for the test. "I'll tell you if you want me to."

"As ready as I'll ever be," Stella looks down at the results. "Oh my God," she says with a look of horror on her face.

"Would that be a yes or a no? I'm going to say it's a yes by the look on your face," Mac leans over to see the test. When he sees the positive sign, he pulls her closer to him. "Everything will be fine, Stel."

Stella sits silently, her head leaning against his shoulder, tears threatening to fall. "Mac what should I do? I can't raise a kid alone. I couldn't even raise a kid if Frankie was still here to help me. Why did he do this to me?"

"I think you should let life take its course. If you don't end up having a miscarriage, you should keep the baby. Stel, you're good with kids; you'd make a good mother. But if you really don't want to, you could have the baby aborted or put up for adoption."

"I'm not going to let my kid have the same life I did in the system," Stella says pulling away from him.

"Stel, even if Frankie wasn't dead you wouldn't want him to be the father of your child after what he put you through."

"What if he had never given me that stupid sculpture and I never found out about the website? What if I hadn't broken up with him and he hadn't attacked me? What if I hadn't killed him?"

"Nobody can keep a secret forever, Stella. You would have eventually found out and broken up with him. He may or may not have attacked you," Mac says, pulling her back to him. He sees the tears now falling from her eyes.

_  
"Rain falls angry on the tin roof  
As we lie awake in my bed  
You're my survival, you're my living proof  
My love is alive not dead  
Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above"  
_

"Mac, I don't want this. I can't be a mother alone," Stella continues to cry into his shoulder as they sat on the couch.

"Stel, look at me. I have an idea," Mac says, gently lifting her chin forcing her to look at him. Her cheeks are stained with tears, which he wipes away cautiously with his thumbs. "I'll be the father, Stel. Nobody has to know the baby if Frankie's. For all they know, it could be mine; they think we're sleeping together anyway. It will be alright. You can keep the baby and you'll be a great mother. Unless you don't want this."

"I already told you I don't want any of this. You're just doing this because you know I won't put the baby up for adoption or have it aborted."

"That's why I won't let you go through this alone, Stella. I love you and you shouldn't have to do this alone. Let me help you. You have already helped me so much," Mac kisses her. "Why make yourself suffer through this when I can help you? Let me be the father."

"Are you just doing this for the baby?" she asks softly, a part of her wanting to let him be the father while the other was still afraid he might hurt her.

"No, I am doing this for both of you and because I love you," Mac's eyes are practically begging her to let him help.

"I really want to let you do this, but what if the baby ends up looking like Frankie? Obviously it wouldn't be yours. And I just don't want a repeat of what happened with Frankie. I can't live through that again," she says, putting her arms around his neck.

"I won't hurt you, Stella. Very few people could be as cruel as Frankie-"

"Why, then, are there so many domestic violence cases?"

"Okay, there's more than a few men like that, but I swear I will never hurt you. I could never do that to you or any other woman for that matter. I'm sure the baby will look a lot its beautiful mother and oh well if it looks like Frankie. Ready to dance now?" he puts his arms around her slender waist, and they stand up.

She smiles weakly and nods. "But I don't know that I could live with someone who looks like the man who tried and would have succeeded in killing me had he checked the safety on my gun."

"Too many what ifs. Let's just wait and see. So, Detective Bonasera, will you let me be the father of you child?" Mac can see that the fear is still in her eyes, but he can also see relief that she wouldn't have to face this alone.

"Why not, Taylor?" Stella leans in to kiss him, long, slow, and filled with passion. When the need for oxygen becomes too strong they break apart. "Thank you for this, Mac. I'll never be able to pay you back."

"Don't worry. You've helped me a lot. This is my way to pay you back."

_  
"I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead  
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said"_

"Hey, Stella, Mac, you want to grab a drink with us?" Lindsay pokes her head in to ask as they kiss. Everyone at the office was used to the two being together after a couple of weeks, partially because they always thought that they belonged together.

"Who's us?"

"Danny, Flack, Hawkes, and I."

"Sure, we'll go out for awhile," Mac says as Stella gives him an angry look. "See you in a few minutes. We'll meet you there," Mac continues after Lindsay leaves.

"What?" he asks turning back to the look on her face.

"Now we have to tell them," Stella waves a few curls out of her face.

"Tell them what?" he asks, obviously clueless as to what she is talking about.

"I'm only four weeks pregnant, and we have to tell them now. I was going to tell them, but not this soon. I can't drink, Mac."

"Oh."

"I can't lie to them about Frankie. We work together and we're all friends. I'm sure they'll understand."

"It's your decision," Mac says as they head to the car.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Come on, Stel. You have to have something more than Coke to drink," Flack joked.

"I can't," she says, still trying to avoid telling everyone so soon.

"Why not?"

"I'm about four weeks pregnant," _'there goes that plan.'_

"Whoa, Mac, what are you doing to the poor lady?" Hawkes teases.

"The baby's not Mac's; it's Frankie's," she says softly. "Mac says he wants to be the father, so I'm going to let him. I wasn't really planning on telling you all so soon. We were just going to tell everyone it's Mac's, but your friends, and we couldn't lie to you. You would have probably found out anyway."

"Congratulations! Are you two going to get married?" Hawkes asks, giving Stella a hug.

"I-" Stella begins but is cut off by Mac.

"Yes, I would like Stella to be my wife and I hope she feels the same way. Probably not until after she has the baby, though," Mac pulls a ring from his pocket and takes her hand. While putting the ring on her finger, he gets down on one knee. "Stella, will you marry me and let me be the father of your child?"

"Oh my God, Mac, of course I will marry you," after staring at the ring for awhile she looks back up into his blue eyes. He leans over and kisses her. "I love you, Mac."

"I love you too, Stel. Everything will be alright," he hugs her while the others all congratulate them.

In Mac's arms, Stella feels safe. She knows he would never hurt her. And she knows no matter what happens he will be there to help her raise the baby. Mac Taylor always keeps his promises.

"_I'll be your crying shoulder  
I'll be love suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life"_

**A/N: "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. Thanks for reading my story. I hope you liked it, although it is very unlikely to happen, not that Mac wouldn't help Stella like this is she was pregnant with Frankie's baby. It seems like there was a lot more "hints" of Mac and Stella in the first season, but I assume that was because Stella was with Frankie the first twenty-one episodes of the season and couldn't handle a relationship until she got over Frankie. I hope there's more with them in the next season. Of course you have a lot of hints of Danny and Lindsay and the writers probably wouldn't put two couples on one show. Please review!**_  
_


End file.
